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burnt out/still glowing


I hadn't been here since I was a little boy. Still as creepy as ever, especially drifting off the back of the tour group and not being sure which tunnel the guide went down.
xx


one last photo before the room was cleared and it all gets lost in drawers, and bags at the bottom of wardrobes.

except his Panama hat. I'll wear that this summer.
xx
mum said, let's go visit at noon
I asked, can we wait til 2?
we got a call as we were leaving
the nurse said, he doesn't look good and think he'll go soon
he died just before we arrived
he was alone in his final moments
and that was my fault
it will haunt me forever
the look on his face
it will haunt me forever
xx
xx
I really thought there would be a chasmic difference dating a 26 yr old and then a 40 yr old. there was only one thing that separated them really, and it wasn't age.
1 : xx
  • black christmas
  • christmas vacation
  • batman returns
  • trapped in paradise
  • in bruges
  • go
  • gremlins
  • rare exports: a christmas tale
  • home alone 2
  • bad santa
  • edward scissorhands
  • krampus
  • die hard
  • it's a wonderful life
  • trading places
  • dead end
  • elf
  • scrooged
  • the ice harvest
  • the snowman
  • xx
    human contact is
    not fundamental,
    but it sure fuck-
    ing feels good.

    yeah.
    sometimes just a touch is enough
    to help you find the exit.
    xx
    you can only tell what was really real when you look back from a safe, disconnected distance.
    xx
    It's come to this time when we are really so old and our bodies are falling apart and I think I will follow you very soon. Know that I am so close behind you that if you stretch out your hand, I think you can reach mine. And you know that I've always loved you for your beauty and for your wisdom, but I don't need to say anything more about that because you know all about that. But now, I just want to wish you a very good journey.

    Goodbye old friend. Endless love, see you down the road.
    xx
    xx
    between the flower and the train
    between the pier, the wind and the rain
    between the past and the pain
    between the silence and phone
    between the paranoia and the unknown
    between the fireworks and being left alone
    between the ice queen and the booze
    between the longing and what you choose
    between the heart and the bruise
    between the mirror and the note
    between the boy on knee and lump in throat
    between the mumbled goodbye and loss of hope
    between the summer and regret
    between the love and the debt
    between the distance and a touch like you never met
    3 : xx


    I feel right at home in this stunning monochrome.
    xx
    "People tell you who they are, but we ignore it—because we want them to be who we want them to be."
    xx
    I made a mix of my favourite 302 songs.
    xx
    xx
    xx
    i've been taking comediansincarsgettingcoffee.com for my insomnia. it's been having the opposite effect.
    xx
    "I’m gonna be more ‘normal’ now. I’ll go see those stupid Marvel movies with her. I’ll join a gym. I’ll ‘heart’ things on Instagram. I’ll drink Vanilla Lattes."


    yeah. Mr Robot is my new favourite TV show. I started it yesterday and I'll finish it today.
    2 : xx
    there are worse things than
    being alone
    but it often takes decades
    to realize this
    and most often
    when you do
    it's too late
    and there's nothing worse
    than
    too late.
    xx

    music: jamie xx - girl

    xx
    I have too much past
    not running fast enough
    xx
    somehow have to tell my 94 year old grandad his brother has a year to live. somehow have to get them together one last time.
    2 : xx


    Ashley bought this vintage fox from the 1930s tonight in Camden. it had dinner with us, we got a taxi on to a metal bar and she left it in the back seat. goodbye Mr. Fox. it was brief, but wonderful.

    music: tame impala - let it happen

    xx
    standing behind her in H&M as she looks for a Halloween outfit. my lips on her neck, hands on her arse. knee high stockings, a skirt and no knickers. the security guard circling us like a moon-faced cunt.
    xx


    friends know me.
    xx


    all that's left is you and me
    and here we are, nowhere


    died. happy.
    xx
    xx
    love
  • mamihlapinatapai - a look shared by two people, each wishing that the other would say something that they both want, but both being hesitant to speak first
  • fernweh - to be homesick for a place you've never been
  • nefelibata - one who lives in the clouds of their own dreams or imagination, or one who does not conform to conventions of society
  • billet-doux - a love-letter
  • gymophoria - the sensation that someone is mentally undressing you
  • latibule - a comfy hiding place from the world
  • komorebi - when twinkling sunlight filters through the trees
  • susurrus - a whispering or rustling sound
  • pluviophile - a lover of rain
  • brontide - the low rumbling of distant thunder
  • petrichor - the warm smell after rainfall
  • pandiculation - yawning and stretching when drowsy
  • phosphenes - the rainbow of stars you see when you rub your eyes
  • clinquant - glittering with gold or tinsel
  • eumoirous - happiness derived from being honest
  • groaking - to look or stare longingly
  • quiescent - a quiet, softly-spoken soul
  • lissom - graceful, in body or mind
  • librocubicularist - a person who reads in bed
  • folie à deux - a madness shared by two
  • sempiternal - everlasting, eternal, forever

    loveless
  • anhedonia - inability to feel pleasure
  • alexithymia - inability to express emotions through words
  • sphallolalia - flirtatious talk that leads nowhere
  • krukolibidinous - the act of staring at someone's crotch
  • aubade - love song at dawn for parting lovers (opposite of serenade)
  • ephemeral - lasting for a very short time
  • antiscians - people who live on opposite sides of the world
  • anaxiphilia - the act of falling in love with the wrong person
  • hector - talk to someone in a bullying way
  • athazagoraphobia - the fear of forgetting, being forgotten or replaced
  • ablation - removal, by melting or evaporation
  • galeanthropy - the delusion that one has become a cat
  • xx
    caught you looking back, thinking thoughts and feeling feelings. don't knock down all the buildings we grew up in.
    xx
    we still talk but not really, in a shaky faded Polaroid kind of way. most people only exist in whims.
    xx
    Whatever is begotten, born, and dies.
    Caught in that sensual music all neglect
    Monuments of unageing intellect.
    xx
    in love with the sea
    but married to the river
    help me! I'm drowning
    xx
    he stares, she looks and looks away. every time he comes back from the toilet her face is illumined by her phone, which is hurriedly slid away. he walks her home, thinking about someone else.
    2 : xx
    want
    take
    keep
    waste

    unlock
    undress
    caress
    haste

    twist
    taste
    kiss
    chase

    suck
    fuck
    hold
    erase

    need
    miss
    forget
    deface

    tattoo
    pierce
    scar
    chaste

    love
    lust
    lie
    replace

    wish
    hope
    dream
    backspace
    1 : xx
    found the new Tamaryn album in Clapham this morning. it sounds like Cocteau Twins slept with Curve, which certainly isn't a bad thing.
    xx
    every night she comes
    home in a black taxi
    looking out the window
    the glistening wetness
    knees pressed together
    3 : xx


    making a new mix in the dark. I have my title and theme. I'm into sad snow globes right now, so creating the cover was easy. now, uh, the songs...
    xx
    I just found a mix I made for Winona Ryder back in 2002. I'd just turned 21, she was on trial for shoplifting and by the looks of my username, I was still obsessed with Donnie Darko. heading over to moc now to find myself frozen in a time capsule of hipsters before "hipster" was even a thing.
    xx


    a few things I've discovered recently that were rather good.

    film
  • Spring
  • It Follows
  • Fruitvale Station
  • What We Do in the Shadows
  • John Wick
  • The Voices

    docs
  • Beautiful Noise
  • Citizenfour
  • Upside Down: Creation Records story

    tv
  • Archer
  • Fargo
  • xx
    grey to black
    grey to red
    grey to light blue
    grey to black
    xx
    and you know what's funny, as we kissed goodbye at Green Park tube station I felt electricity, literally. a static shock as our lips touched. I asked her if she felt it too, and she didn't.
    xx


    Charlotte.
    xx
    woke up with a
    3 year old asleep
    at my feet
    xx


    drinking beer(s) and this song on repeat for the last few weeks.
    xx
    almost said hi. that would've been a disaster.
    xx
    thoughtless thoughts
    overly dramatic talks
    hide
    xx


    buy a watch, plant a tree.
    xx
    people treat people like balloons:
  • stamping on them
  • rubbing up against them
  • giving them static
  • popping them
  • letting them go
  • xx
    inside me I feel like tears are rolling down my cheeks and running into my mouth, but they aren't, and they won't.
    xx


    locked in the cell, feeling unwell. talked to a man. he said it's better to tell.
    xx